Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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