I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
