don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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