He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
