you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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