I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
