She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
