I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
