I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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