i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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