Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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