I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
