Sry I called you an 8
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
