I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
