I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
