Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
