Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
