Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
