JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
