apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
