everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize