You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
