Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
