I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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