Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
