so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
