I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
