Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I did not marry a roomba.
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