I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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