when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
