I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
