I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
