You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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