Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
