The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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