Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
