Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
