Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
