so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
