Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
