I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
