The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
