in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
