Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
