the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
