Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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