idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Apparently you make a good broom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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