thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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