I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
