She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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