Just cropdusted the office
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
