i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
